it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
