i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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