I'm lost and stupid without you.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
