They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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