Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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