We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
