her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
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