Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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