i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
