it hurts more in the daytime
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
