The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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