So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
