erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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