I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
