I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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