I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
