you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
