sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
