I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
