gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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