you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
