i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
