she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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