Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
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