They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
