Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
