Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
We had to coat check the pizza.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
