I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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