I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
