Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
