so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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