My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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