Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
