So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
