Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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