Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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