Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
