I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I did not marry a roomba.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
