It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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