pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
