I think my vagina is haunted
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
