Her vagina should come with caution tape.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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