I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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