i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
