if i can run in heels then i can drive
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
