Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
