Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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