Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
