Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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