I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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