Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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