Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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