TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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