careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
