**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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