I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
