My liver just broke up with me...
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
