So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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