why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
