Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what is it with giant penises always finding me
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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