My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
