So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
