Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
