8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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