Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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