I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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